Ridiculousness? You bet.

[Edit] <start sarcasm> Or, Free Speech: It Really Sucks. [/edit]

“That’s ridiculous,” I turned away from my computer screen, lips curled in a sure-to-be-disgusting snarl. Like so many Americans, I depend on my computer to escape from every day worries. Too much homework? No problem, I’ll just go surf through some blogs to take my mind off of impending doom, and when I’m sufficiently ready to tackle on the latest homework assignment, I close the browser window. At least, I minimize it. However, today, I’d caught hold of yet another “angry” blog, Angry Asian Man (AAM), pushing a false example of oppression into my face. The man was expressing anger over a poster that said, “Come Get Slant Eyed @ The Goat (No Offense)”. Can’t he see the “No Offense”? Obviously it’s not racist if it wasn’t meant to be racist.Anyway, isn’t there something more important AAM should be doing? Like telling the Chinese government to stop using so many children in their dirt-cheap factories and then sending the kids over to the U.S. to be adopted. The irresponsible Chinese are causing the U.S. to get poorer because Americans are trying to support the adopted Chinese kids. Outsourcing can probably also be traced back to these shifty adoptions. Hell, even global warming is China’s fault, if you think about it. Anyway, honestly, even if the man is just showing how racism is prevalent in glorious American society, thus convincing me to help stop this racism, he forgot the glorious part of glorious American society. The U.S. is the most powerful country in the world. Nothing could possibly be wrong in such a glorious country, and so there’s no need for blogs and other mediums to express anger over imaginary offenses.

Who is Angry Asian Man, anyway? Does he have a college degree in racism? In the “About Angry” part of his website, he doesn’t even state his real name. How do I know this guy is to be trusted? Apparently AAM is hugely influential in the Asian blogosphere. What dopes, those Asians, blindly following some random guy who probably lives on the streets. It doesn’t matter if he reaches a larger audience than just the Asian population, on account of the Internet being free and all that jazz, or even if he points out real cases of racism on a national scale – Americans aren’t racist anyway. If AAM just ignored racism, it’d go away.

Seriously, this identity problem is huge. Random people with no credentials can get on national T.V. and say whatever they want. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have no political experience whatsoever, yet millions of people pay, (pay!) to see their late-night shows. Their careless jokes will destroy the foundation of society with their pretentiousness. People say they know that those Comedy Central shows are satiric and ironic, but do they really? They’ve already followed AAM. I can’t count on normal people to differentiate between the real and the false to show the hypocrisy and frivolity of the world.

Furthermore, does anyone remember Wonkette and Washingtonienne? Washingtonienne was a completely anonymous lady involved in politics at Capitol Hill who exposed the lurid sex lives of politicians. Or a politician, it doesn’t matter. She posted too many incriminating details on her blog, and then Wonkette picked up her story, and the whole thing was blown into smithereens and chaos, which is what happens when anyone can say anything they want. Oh, never mind that Washingtonienne was correct and also exposed political hypocrisy to the public eye. All the T.V. stations and radio shows picked up on the story, bombarding me with ceaseless messages of D.C. sex and politics. I’d rather live with dis-honesty and deception than face such shameless displays of obscenity. Oh yeah, and they revealed Washingtonienne’s real name for the sucker she is.

Speaking of irresponsible individuals, Don Imus truly exemplifies the harm in individual free speech. His “nappy-headed hos” comment was the deranged thinking of one sexist, racist individual (he didn’t say “No Offense” after “hos”, so it’s offensive). His attitude, obviously not reflected by American society on a whole, nevertheless will surely be adopted by the listeners of his radio show, and then passed onto their neighbors, and the neighbors of the neighbors, and ignorant blog readers, and stupid, mindless T.V. show listeners, and so on and so forth. Thus, Imus will transform Americans into bigots, because we weren’t racist and sexist in the first place. And all that media uproar following his comment? No matter that the media tried to bring focus to and address those grievances, because, as I said earlier, the U.S. was a glorious society and didn’t need fixing before Don Imus came onto the scene.

There is so much useless and harmful drivel on the airwaves, whether it’s transmitting via wireless to my computer or through the air to my T.V. or my car radio, as seen with AAM, Stewart and Colbert, Washingtonienne, Don Imus and the gaggle of media. One last example. Just look at the nonsense the Bilerico Project, a major political LGBTQ blog, spews out. “Why Are So Many Gay Guys So Mean?” Because they read blogs, clearly. This is even sillier than AAM and “Slant Eyed.” Maybe AAM needs to get surgery to remove his epicanthal fold. Then he wouldn’t be slant eyed anymore and would be able to see past his foolishness. He’d be able to ignore the little details that make up his life and form the cage of his “oppression” (because racism doesn’t really exist, remember?). In order to return American society to its original glory, we need to band together and take away the “right” of every individual to speak freely, because it is utterly and totally annihilating our values. Long live freedom and equality!

5 Comments

Filed under mundane life, racism

5 responses to “Ridiculousness? You bet.

  1. Bruce

    Are you crazy? This is what you say about Don Imus

    Speaking of irresponsible individuals, Don Imus truly exemplifies the harm in individual free speech. His “nappy-headed hos” comment was the deranged thinking of one sexist, racist individual (he didn’t say “No Offense” after “hos”, so it’s offensive).

    DON IMUS IS NOT A RACIST. DO YOU GET IT. You have been drinking your Kool-Aid again from MMFA and the Al Sharpton’s of the World.

    Get over it. Imus is back and will stay this time no matter what you say or any other ignoramous in the blogospher.

  2. Hi Bruce. First, I’d like to clear up the assumption that this is a serious piece. It’s not. It’s a satire. My topic was individual free speech in the modern era, with radio, tv shows and the internet. It was for class, and I thought it was nice enough to share with a larger audience than just my teacher. Besides, the hyperlinks took me a while. :)

    Second, Don Imus is racist. Even if he’s just joking, as the Imus Times post that referred you to this post says, he’s being racist (and sexist). It’s never funny to joke about things like that, and call people derogatory and pejorative names.

    Third, you might find that on the subject of individual free speech, however, we’re on the same side. At least, regarding Don Imus’s, and everyone else’s, right to say whatever yo feels like saying.

  3. Hey Bruce, it’s not very nice to call others “ignoramuses.” I’m pretty sure those died out in the Jurassic period along with hypocritus rex. But assuming some are still lumbering around on the Internet, they should probably check themselves before making accusatory statements addressing works of satire. (You do know what a satire is, don’t you?)

    So how about you go have some Kool-Aid and animal crackers and read some Jonathan Swift, then come back once you’ve calmed down?

    Thanks, and by the way, no offense.

  4. Well, honestly, this part of your piece exactly like the non-satirical, straight-ahead attacks against Imus:

    Speaking of irresponsible individuals, Don Imus truly exemplifies the harm in individual free speech. His “nappy-headed hos” comment was the deranged thinking of one sexist, racist individual (he didn’t say “No Offense” after “hos”, so it’s offensive). His attitude, obviously not reflected by American society on a whole, nevertheless will surely be adopted by the listeners of his radio show, and then passed onto their neighbors, and the neighbors of the neighbors, and ignorant blog readers, and stupid, mindless T.V. show listeners, and so on and so forth.

    If you think Imus Times is saying Imus is racist, you might be missing our satire. In any case, a new definition of “racist” is needed. Because by these same standards, Chris Rock is also a racist, as is Sarah Silverman and about 5 billion other people.

  5. Ok, as for that paragraph, this is what I really think: Don Imus is racist. Everyone is racist. American society is racist. I am racist, you are racist, even if you don’t mean to be racist. If you say “No Offense” it doesn’t matter. If a statement is racist, it is racist. (yes, 5 billion other people are most likely racist.) But the opinion of one individual is not going to change the centuries-old model of white supremacy and oppression. Rather, such overblown, obvious racism is going to cause society to re-examine its views, at least for a little while, and inspire dialogue. And let’s not forget about sexism… Now, look, I’m sounding preachy and holier-than-thou, so I’ll stop.

    And, I fully understand that Imus Times, and all other supporters of Don Imus, do not think he is racist, but rather that he is (hilariously) funny.

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