birthday.

Hi everyone. This date on the calendar says that I am officially another year closer to my death year. Let’s just hope it’s somewhere off in the future.

Here are my goals for the year, taken off an AP Lit assignment:
1. Listen to a wider variety of music, especially concerning classic rock and opera
2. Read at least 1000 pages of paper-published books each month
3. Regularly practice piano and violin. Do not wait for the day before lessons
4. Do not drop drawing and painting. Make daily entries in the sketchbook
5. Maintain a 4.0
6. Do not crash the car
7. Do not pull an all-nighter
8. When full, do not eat any more
9. Do homework as soon as possible, and read textbook chapters sooner than two days before the test
10. Watch all 5 seasons of The Wire
11. Do not get angry at the kids at the Kumon Center when they do not get how to divide fractions even after having been explained to uncountable times
12. Think positively about college admissions. Do not stress out too much
13. Try every flavor of ice cream at Cold Stone
14. Sell unwanted clothes and books
15. Do not spend all earned money on clothes and books, even if thrifted and used
16. Appreciate the town
17. Be happy!! Life is beautiful and there are beautiful things all around

and
18. Cherish all current friends and future friends

excuse me, I’m not wimpy.

This Sports Illustrated article (“Wimpiest/most bizarre team names”) reinforces traditional standards of masculinity:

Dude, really? Wimpy team names and you leave out the NYU Violets? They have a hockey team…a HOCKEY team called the “Violets”. That ranks up there with the Peoria “Prancers.”
– Jarod, Elmhurst, Ill.

Violet: a color. Also a name for girls. Also associated with “purple,” both colors considered “gay.” To prance, from Merriam-Webster: to spring from the hind legs or move by so doing; to ride on a prancing horse; to walk or move in a spirited manner. Or prance from Urban Dictionary:

Translation: Homosexuality is wimpy.

Allisonville High School Alices and the Frankfort High School Hot Dogs.
– Travis Allen, Valparaiso, Ind.

Alice: another girl name. Same as Violet, above.

Translation: Girls are wimpy.

When Troy Aikman played high school football in Henryetta, Okla., the team name was the Hens. In the late ’80′s a woman I knew from there was part of a local group that finally got the school board to to change the name to something (anything!) else. So the team became the Knights. And opposing fans quit wearing Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets on their heads at games.
– Richard Williams, Nashville, Tenn.

Hen: a female chicken. Also, slang for a human woman.

Translation: women are wimpy.

Wimpy team names: Columbia, Mo., Hickman High School Kewpies (a baby doll).
– Charlie, Jeff City, Mo.

…

As far as wimpy high school names go, the worst has to be David H. Hickman High School in Columbia, Mo., whose nickname is the Kewpies (like the kewpie doll). Even worse, I seem to remember the colors of the pressbox at the stadium being yellow and lavender. I’ve got to believe every pregame pep talk by an opposing coach involved something along the lines of “No WAY we’re losing to a bunch of Kewpies!”
– Jeff Lewis, Greensboro, N.C.

The Kewpies may have it worse of all. SI included a remarkable five quotes about this Midwestern school, including one that was not originally bolded in the article (is SI trying to say something?) like all the other quotes were. Let’s examine the bias against the Kewpies.

Kewpie dolls were (according to Wikipedia) “illustrations by Rose O’Neill that appeared in Ladies’ Home Journal in 1909.” Dolls can be safely filed under “girls only toys.” “Lavender,” supposedly one of the school colors (actually purple) is even more associated with homosexuality than either purple or violet.

Translation: anything girly in tandem with males must turn males gay/effeminate/girly. Girly = bad. (I guess they’ve forgotten that girls play sports too.)